CAS Reflection
Brendan Anders
November 3, 2015
The marching band experience at state this year was life changing, to say the least. As always, getting up and seeing everybody in their pajamas and leisure clothes preparing for the busses is an interesting sight. I was amongst the few who was not wearing lazy clothes, and was prepared with jeans and a long sleeve shirt hidden underneath my band sweatshirt. As I recall that, I suppose it is a teaching moment about myself; I do not like people to see me in lazy clothes. I suppose I make this choice mainly based on the fact that I don’t like other people to see me when I’m not “prepared to go out in public.” I always have my hair straight and my clothes nice. I could challenge myself by going out in public in sweatpants and a baggy shirt, with messy hair. Another significant event from the experience was our candlelight ceremony. As is tradition, the marching band holds a special, secret ceremony behind closed doors every year the day before state finals. For the sake of secrecy I will refrain from revealing too many details, but only the ones absolutely necessary. As part of the candlelight ceremony, the drum major begins with his candle lit by the band director. The drum major selects another member and lights their candle, and that member lights another member’s candle and so on. The special aspect of this ceremony is that many people share stories about the person whose candle they light, as the person they choose has significance to their life and lighting their candle is a way of showing that they appreciate them. Ironically, my sister chose the person that chose me. Her selection, a senior (whose name will not be in this reflection), began to tell a story about last year. At first it was happy and exciting which is typical for this person’s personality. But then, things took a dark turn. She said that her life began to fall apart, and soon she began to feel unsettled. Eventually, she hated herself more than anything in the world. She wanted everything to end, to be over with; she saw no purpose left in living. But then one day this person came up to her, a “little weirdo who was funny and being nice to me for absolutely no reason at all,” and that person changed everything. She said that that person’s kindness saved her, that through his seemingly random actions she found purpose in her life again. And then she revealed that that person was me. I walked up to her, we looked each other in the eyes, and both began sobbing simultaneously. It was probably the most emotional moment in my whole life. I had never known that I had had this large of an impact on her life. And so we sat there, sobbing in each other’s arms, hugging, in front of the entire marching band. It was at this moment that I realized what everyone meant by “the little things matter.” My seemingly “little” actions had saved a person from committing suicide. And we wept in each other’s arms for minutes. That was when everything changed for me. Throughout both my freshman and sophomore years, many people came up in front of the band and had told us about how we were one big family, but I had never understood that until now. All of a sudden, winning state didn’t matter to me anymore. I would still do my best, but I began to experience the family that everybody was talking about. After our performance, I just started going around to random people in our band, many of which I only barely knew by name, and congratulated them. This is rather odd for me because typically I’m the hardcore “drumline” guy who doesn’t say anything and works really hard for perfection. But in that moment, it felt so good to be part of “the band family.” I now have the motivation within me to share kindness with everyone, and I have changed my perspective within the band from ‘we must win’ to ‘we must become a closer family.’ I’ve changed in the way I’ve acted towards other people, because now I understand that a few simple, kind words can change somebody’s life. And finally, I have altered the way in which I perceive the world. I always knew subconsciously that the things that bring me true joy and happiness were never material, or monetary gains or objects for my affection. Rather, it is investing in people and quality, positive relationships with others that brings me a certain kind of happiness that I know will outlast any material possession I could ever have. I have adopted this attitude that through making friends and enjoying my time with others I will not only have long term joy (instead of short term happiness), but I will also be content with what I have. I’ve changed so drastically for the better already, it’s exciting to see what the future has in store for me.
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